Fake Tattoos & Real Malaysian Headhunters

Henna tattoos are my kind of tattoo. They get painted on, and wear off in about a week. 

And when applied by descendants of headhunters at Monsopiad Cultural Village, who could refuse? 

I took a group there in 2009. Before dinner and a show we got henna tattoos, beaded necklaces, blew darts at balloons, and toured the village.  

After tattoos and before dinner, Callie, Cliff and I walked across a street and up a gravel path to a bamboo-framed sanctuary.  We removed our shoes and entered a dark room covered in palm frond mats. 

Above us, human heads dangled from the rafters.  

I reached for Callie's arm, stealing a touch of warm skin above her wrist. Her gaze moved down from the ceiling to me.

In silence, we turned and walked towards the commotion of musicians and dancers gearing up for our show. 

Shangri-la Tanjung Aru Resort & Spa

Cruising with Buffalo in Borneo

A few years back I took a group on a cruise safari down the Garama river in Borneo. 

The Garama is two hours from the city of Kota Kinabalu. With the lovely Irene Lim as your Mandarin interpreter, who's keeping track? 

To get to the river we walked 15 minutes through an oil palm plantation. 

Lovin' the boardwalk!

We were simply famished after the walk, so we stopped to smoke ti leaves stuffed with rice and gooey red banana. 

Oh, Karla. 

We vested up and hit the river.  

There's something in the trees. . .

Monkeys!

After dark, the sputtery gush of water buffalo breath accompanied us back to the dock. 

Shangri-la Tanjung Aru Resort

Shangri-La Paris's Shangri-la

I haven't stayed in many, ok, any luxury hotels in Paris. I'm here for a long weekend right now, so a few weeks ago I called Kumiko for a tour of the new Shangri-la in Paris's 16th. 

The Shangri-la Paris has been open for just two months, winning accolades from just about every major reviewer in US news media. Two articles in the Wall Street Journal have commented that the old luxury properties are being challenged by the Shangri-la's Seine and Eiffle view rooms.

I'm staying in a Tower-view room tonight. Looking down from my private terrace, I feel like I own the Tower and the river. I can't think of another world-class Paris property with views like this: George V?, non. Westin Vendome?, non. . .

The grand nephew of Napoleon I, Roland Bonaparte, build the original palace in 1896. Some additions, enlarging the footprint, were made in the 1930s and in the 1960s.The hotel boasts heritage status without having to retrofit new decor into preexisting rooms. My guess is that sometime mid last century, the original palace was hacked up into apartments, saving the new designers the hassle of too many preservation laws. 

While mostly new, the rooms maintain a subdued French Empire decor motif.  The prefunction space, 1st floor ballrooms, and personal apartments of Prince Bonaparte are restored, but otherwise left untouched. There is also a gorgeous state-of-the-art ballroom for about 200 built two floors down from the lobby. It has natural lighting since the palace is built into a hillside.

The photo above shows the view from the 7th floor Presidential Suite, complete with about 700 sq feet of outdoor living space. I'm told its the best room in Paris. I think I believe it.

The cheapest rate for my room is reportedly 600 Euro a night. Yes, extravagant; but absolutely unforgettable.

Chat with Kumiko Enatsu, Director of Business Development Shangri-la Hotels & Resorts

Which of Shangri-la's hotels is your favorite?

Well actually, I've only been with the company for two months now. I live in the bay area, so I have made it up to our Vancouver hotel. I hope I'm with the company long enough to experience all of the properties, but at the rate we are expanding I'm never going to make it--especially all of our hotels in China. I'm very interested in our resorts in the Middle East , and would love to see our new Shangri-la Vilingili Resort in the Maldives.

So what's new with Shangri-la?

We're particularly excited about our first three properties in Europe. The Shangri-la Paris will open next month, the Shangri-la Vienna in 2011 and the Shangri-la London in 2012,  just in time for the Olympics.

In our opinion your Fiji Property is the weakest in the brand. Are there any plans to renovate?

We have just completed a soft goods renovation including the carpet, but are waiting for funds to come on line for a more extensive renovation. Shangri-la owns and operates most all of its hotels, and as you can imagine, we are currently focused on growth areas. Fiji is not our highest priority.

What sets Shangri-la apart from other "luxury" brands?

You've stayed with us, so you know our attention to detail. We represent luxury with an Asian flair, and incomparable hospitality.

We have also reintroduced our Golden-Circle Club as loyalty points program. We realized that points mean big business in the US market. Business travelers and planners were overlooking us because we didn't have a points-based loyalty program.

Shangri-la Hostage Situation

"If I buy 50 monkeys, is there any kind of discount you can give me?"

Perplexed.

"Do you even have 50 monkeys?"

The sales lady scrunches her nose. She scurries off to her manager. Consultation. Vigorous head nodding. "10 percent off."

"Charge it to my room, please. Could I have it delivered?"

Our incentive group was leaving in 20 minutes for a monkey-spotting safari on the Kinabatangan river. We needed a room gift, preferably one that would remind our guests of our day's adventure. So far, nothing in the handicraft market of Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia had appealed. As a last resort, we hit up the Shangri-la hotel gift shop.

Browsing:

• Wood frogs that make croaking noises when you rubbed a stick against their backs. (Every Asian market has them.)
• Mini bows and arrows with colorful feathers. (Juvenile, although reminiscent of last night's headhunter village experience.)
•  Rice candies. (No. I wanted something unique to Borneo.)

"Plush proboscis monkeys? Hmmmm. Well? Actually. . .They'll love these!"

"And you thought the bows and arrows were juvenile?" She folds her arms.

I persist. "You've got to look at it as a gag gift. We'll have them placed on the beds. When they get back tonight they'll have a laugh. Just think of the regiftability. I bet you have 5 people you could give it to when you get home. We can write cards. Something about how they were so cute that we decided to adopt. . ."

"Alright. But remember it was your idea."

---

The week passes quickly. Malaysia continues to surprise me with its landscape and warmth. Saturday morning I am also surprised by a phone call from Li, the Chi Spa receptionist.

"Mr. Chris? As a thank you for your business we would like to offer you a three-hour signature treatment. This includes a one-hour massage, and a one hour cocoa scrub finished off by an herbal bath. Please come to Chi at 10:00 a.m."

How could I refuse? My plane was at 10:30 p.m., and my only planned activity for the day was to say goodbye to guests in the lobby. A visit to the spa would be a perfect last memento of the trip.

Chi sits at the end of a palm-lined jetty. The journey to this temple of wellness is somewhat of a pilgrimage: past the pool, the volleyball net, the cabana lunch bar, the beach, and down the path and through a moon gate into a reception area that seems to exist permanently in the ending resonances of a gong or yoga bell.

"Welcome Mr. Chris. Please be seated."

There are release forms to complete, and an astrological quiz to determine my essential oil blend. I am water. I wonder if metal is better.

---

Later, in the lobby bidding farewell to our guests from Mexico.

"Mr. Bartholomew?"

A skinny man with a tucked-in shirt, close-toed shoes and a gold name badge extends his hand.

"I am Ravi, the revenue manager. I would like to offer you a drink." I had the distinct sensation that this was no courtesy call from management. The handler had been sent. I wasn't sure why.

5 minutes of platitudes, mango lassi in hand:

"I'm glad you have enjoyed your stay. We show that you have a balance of 31,330 MYR on your account. We will collect payment before you leave tonight." Suddenly warm, "And when is your flight?"

Hotels usually require 100% of estimated expenses in advance. However, they expect, and hope for, extra expenses such as drinks, meals, a projectors, spa visits, mini bar, plush monkeys. . .But most hotels wait until I get home to send the extra bill. I wondered if the hotel has implemented strict measures because of  a rash of what amounted to frequent gas station fill up and drive offs.

We talk for an hour, waiting for people to show up to the office back in Utah.

Ravi, attended hospitality school in Lausanne, Switzerland. Afterward, he worked for Marriott international in Pakistan, and then transferred to Shangri-la hotels in Malaysia. His wife and daughter live in an apartment down the street. He likes the long hours of the hospitality industry. He quit a few years ago to work for a bank. With the shorter hours he spent all his nights in a bar. At least, back in hospitality, his wife and kid know where he is at night.

I don't carry a corporate card, or a personal one with a big enough limit.  I call my supervisor. We figure it out.

On the phone, so that Ravi can hear: "The revenue manager is holding me hostage in the lobby lounge of the Shangri-la. They won't release me until the card clears." 

Ravi laughs, nervously.