Note to self: Don't ever put detailed calorie breakdowns on menus, especially at a resort.
We arrive at Zoetry Wellness & Spa Resort just before lunch. Zoetry is a luxury all-inclusive resort just 15 minutes south of Cancun. It's on a beautiful stretch of beach, but the resort needs some help.
Veronica and Nacho welcome us in the open-air lobby just as a "Mayan cleansing ritual," called Temascal, begins. A man in traditional Mayan garb walks around a fountain with a smoking chalice. Six or seven chubby Americans follow him in nervous conga line fashion. After a few circumambulations, the guy in the Mayan loincloth wafts smoke into each of the participants faces. Then the procession marches down the sidewalk to a stucco pyramid, opens a full length door, and disappears.
Nacho, explaining: "You usually have to crawl into the small openings of traditional temascal huts. We thought it would be too hard for our guests, so we made it bigger, and put in a regular door."
They call their very standard steam room a temascal hut. I don't know how I feel about that.
At lunch Connie mentions I will be going to Dubai in a few days. We digress into a pop environmentalism monologue.
Nacho: "I saw a special on the Discovery Chanel about those islands they have in Dubai. They think they are invincible, but they should have learned from the mistakes of others." He continues in a Sodom and Gomorrah accusatory kind of tone, "In Cancun, they ignored the natural paths of the currents and storms, now they are paying the price. But here," We look down the beach, "We are built on the natural coast line."
I doubt the builders of Zoetry learned much from others.
I find its kind of luxury amateur at best. With selective bulldozing, and a few million in corrective surgery, this place could do justice to the turquoise water and golden sand at its front door.
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