Your Mother Has Really Great Party Space

Hotel Geek Hawaii Winner: Best Meeting and Outdoor Function Space

"There's just something nice about a 'U' shaped hotel." Connie opened the balcony door of the presidential and leaned against the railing. "The pool's right there in the center. You always know where the action is."

Roy, a Hawaii resident by way of Indonesia, Amsterdam, and Oklahoma (the Lutherans were involved somehow), met us for french toast and papaya followed by a site inspection of the Fairmont Orchid.

The Orchid is an old franchise Ritz Carlton hotel, converted to a Fairmont, and so much less corporate. Here, I get the feeling of being a guest in a home of recently-wed friends. They've decided to buy an old place and gradually convert it, with savings they put away each month, into house of their dreams. You know, that couple.

The yellow carpet off the lobby is a tad Taco Bell. Why are there Venetian glass chandeliers in the elevators? What's with the automatic doors to the guest wings that silence birds as they vroomswooshthud? Its a hodge-podge, but comfortable and not in a hurry to look "on-brand."

Every time I get into my black and white marble shower I start singing "Are you going to the Hukilau? to the Huki, Huki, Huki, Huki, Hukilau?. . ." When I exit, I forget about it. But when I get back in and turn the nickle-plated handle, without exception it comes back. The bathroom is Puccini. But I sing the Hukilau.

At one point Roy mentions the hotel's plans to put credenzas in all the guestrooms. I don't know what that is.

"Can we see it?"

It turns out there is only one prototype on a restricted-access floor. He doesn't have a key.

Off script now, Roy springs into action.We rush down stairs and across the golf-cut lawn. "That's why we have it. Its here for guests to walk on! . . ." Through a corridor, up a service elevator, a plea to housekeeping, and we're in. The credenza is nice. Its the thing the TV goes on with drawers. Its a bit Canadian Chateau, but warmer than the existing furniture. "We'll start with these, get rid of the armoire, and introduce furniture as it comes along."

When St Peters Cathedral was built, the popes and architects set forth to one up all the past architectural glories of Rome. The combined efforts of the renaissance geniuses Bramante, Michaelangelo and Maderno ended up creating a building that made you feel like a pissed on ant.

Times changed. Other religious options opened up. Now a centuries-old work in progress, Bernini designed two arching colonnades, reaching out from the massiveness, said to symbolize welcoming arms drawing guests inward. The result is divine.

In the lobby now, Roy, back in sales mode, hands us a packet of brochures and hotel diagrams. "There's so much more to show you. But you'll see the Coconut Grove at tonight's party. And besides, you said you had a nap on the beach yesterday." We shake hands, and look out at the breezy lounge, pool, gardens, and beach, all cozily embraced by the hotel's north and south wings.

Like a tourist, I snap a photo, turn, and hurry onto a bus headed to business exchange meetings down the road at the Marriott. I'm glad this is where I shower.